Outside, the wind howled voraciously. In her bedroom, Daisy stood proudly by her bedroom mirror and peered anxiously at her own reflection.
"I'm so much prettier than my twin sister," she wailed piteously as she flicked her long blonde hair over her scantily clad shoulder, vainly admiring her slender neck. "I wonder where Deirdre is now?" she commented questioningly to no one in particular.
Suddenly she woke up and it was all a dream.
That's 7 at least:
1) don't start with the weather
2) avoid excessive adverbs
3) use 'said' rather than other verbs to describe conversation
4) don't have MC describe herself by looking in the mirror
5) no twins
6) no dreams
7) avoid multiple characters having names beginning with the same letter.
That's a pretty good start. Anyone like to add to the story? Or have advice on submitting it?
Personally, I think she should hand write it and submit to every magazine she can think of, then phone up two days later and ask when they're going to print it.